Everyone Used to Know This
Everyone Used to Know This
Publisher Karl Beckstrand, M.A. conflict resolution, went from frustrating relationships to profound lasting ties. Regardless of marital status or sexual orientation, every person has legitimate need for true connection, including with those of one’s own sex. But there are more and deeper ways of connecting than the world emphasizes. Beckstrand shares keys for healing relationships and creating deep lasting same-sex bonds. When true needs are met generous feelings can replace discouragement, isolation, infidelity, even addiction. Steps are outlined in his books: Abundant Paths and God Adores You
I wrote Abundant Paths: Beyond Either/Or Thinking to Fulfilling Same-Sex Relationships That Last to help men (who, today, are overwhelmingly isolated) recognize legitimate need to connect with other men—this need isn't always an indicator of sexual orientation. Men often are drawn to (need) other men. Women need women. If we fear this pull toward those of our sex, we doom ourselves to all the ills of isolation and unmet needs (addiction, poor health, early death—to name a few).
I also wrote these books to dispel the myth that attraction to those of one's own sex can only mean you're gay. Also, to blow up the idea that there are only two ways to be gay (repressed or hedonistic). Some Christians chide me for using “gay,” insisting I use “child of God” (and gay people chafe when I use, “same-sex attracted,” but that term is more inclusive of people like me who are bi). Friends, we use terms to describe our nationality, our political affiliation, our sex, our color, our professions and hobbies; gay doesn’t mean I’m NOT a child of God, but it’s a helpful descriptor regarding my sexual orientation—it (nor the label of “writer” or “American”) will never be my primary identity.
Hang-out/date, disillusionment, then repeat doesn’t seem to lead to fulfillment among people of the same sex—yet neither does the closet. I used to want my attraction to men to go away. I used to think God wanted me to avoid men; but if God has always known everything, then nothing surprises him. If his plan is for you to find forever happiness, then everything we experience can be used by him for our benefit.
While everyone experiences it differently, attraction to one’s own sex is not only a legitimate need—it’s a gift that opens doors to deeply fulfilling relationships. But we have to be wise and not always run the way the world points (or run away from each other). Standards and boundaries have always yielded extraordinary benefits (it only took me 50 years to learn this!).
Emotional needs can manifest as sexual desire, like feeling hungry when you’re dehydrated. By neglecting true emotional connection, the feeling of neediness persists. Meeting emotional needs healthfully can illuminate true needs, open previously unimagined relational possibilities, and might also reduce compulsive behavior.
I have a startling secret to share with you: You don’t have to battle your libido, you don’t have to repress it, and you don’t have to surrender to your sex drive as the ruler of your life—it’s not your enemy. Your libido can work for you as a helpful, though rudimentary, gauge that lets you know when you’re neglecting emotional needs (again, regardless of orientation).
These books are about real connection—and that’s not necessarily sexual. Because it feels good, early indoctrination into sex distracted me from real connection for many years; only when I sought bonding with no sexual agenda did I finally experience deep lasting fulfillment.
“We all think we want to be loved, but what actually feels good to us is feeling loving,” clinical psychologist Lisa Firestone, Ph.D., tells The Huffington Post…. “When we have feelings of caring or love for other people, we feel better.” (see note 10 in chapter 10)
Don’t take this as suggestion that establishing emotional connections with one’s own sex erases physical attraction. But when tempered by emotional satisfaction, sexual desire becomes less of a taskmaster and more of a lens to better understand and foster satisfying human relationships.
The books offer perspective and insights that can bolster confidence in God’s tender provision for every soul. God loves every individual. There are divine purposes and plans for all our differences. As we begin to see as God sees, we gain appreciation for ourselves and others—perhaps especially because of our differences.
PLEASE NOTE:
Well-meaning people often respond inappropriately when someone “comes out” as gay, fearing judgement that they aren’t loving—or are haters/ignorant. But ignorance is the reality; how can anyone expect a non-gay person to comprehend what they have never experienced?
Likewise, though intentions may be benevolent, encouraging paths one cannot possibly know are/aren’t healthful isn’t loving or informed. Perhaps heterosexual people feel badly (maybe they presume that being gay can’t be as fulfilling as being straight or that God has no plans for the happiness of gays)—hoping that fulfillment will come to gays who try to make their relationships function like straight pairings. I can’t condemn someone for hoping something good for others; but I can clarify—as a bi person—that God not only loves queer people as he loves all people, he has plans to bless us as much as any other person (and not just in the next life).
While gays may not experience relating joys the same way as non-gay people, God has provided enormously satisfying bonds among people of the same sex, connections that can last forever and are in some ways, I feel, superior to what straight couples experience—if we honor God’s guidance on relating. What I’ve discovered (as if it were a secret) was widely understood 150 years ago, before the invention of the constricting term “homosexual” (more in the book).
I hope all who feel physical attraction to their own sex—or any isolating difference—can learn its positive purpose and its most fulfilling expressions. I hope we find gratitude for the enrichment that differences can bring, and that each person can feel self-love, God’s love, and profound love with others.
Are you or someone you love wrestling with faith and LGBTQIA questions? Has anything taken God by Surprise? God doesn’t simply tolerate “queerness,” it is—expressed attentively—part of His plan for our joy. In God Adores You! Beyond Either/Or Thinking to Your Most Fulfilling Relationships, Beckstrand shows how God can help us fulfill our needs while honoring His will; and loving, generous feelings can replace discouragement, isolation, even addiction. He offers insights to bolster confidence in God’s love for each person and His designs for differences.
In Abundant Paths: Beyond Either/Or Thinking to Fulfilling Same-Sex Relationships That Last, Beckstrand shares keys for transforming relationships and creating deep, lasting same-sex bonds. These principles apply to heterosexuals, married people, singles, women, and men.
This book is about real connection. It’s about observing all options—and their varied outcomes. Early in life I wanted lasting ties; but I was indoctrinated into sex and distracted by it for many years. This book encourages people to explore more ways of connecting. Love isn’t wanting someone, but wanting the best for them. Only when I sought bonding with no sexual agenda did I finally experience deep lasting fulfillment.
“Beckstrand offers an engaging and thoughtful perspective on relationships, sexuality, and faith…. [H]e delivers multiple supportive arguments and…an abundance of reflective…and definitive ideas.… Readers will value the author’s moments of candor and honest reflection on his own experiences.… [They’ll] be gratified by its conclusions and novel assertions…particularly relating to meaningful relationships…which lends it distinction and is refreshing to read.” – The BookLife Prize (Publisher’s Weekly)
College media instructor Karl Beckstrand has lived abroad, interned for a Massachusetts publisher and for Congress in D.C. He earned a B.A. in journalism, an M.A. in international relations and conflict resolution, and a broadcast/film certificate. He’s been a technical recruiter in Silicon Valley, a Stanford Hospital chaplain, a Spanish interpreter for Angel Flight (aviator nonprofit), and a rock band front man. He is the best-selling and award-winning author/illustrator of 30 multicultural/multilingual books and more than 60 e-book titles. His western survival thriller, To Swallow the Earth, won a 2016 International Book Award, and his works have been lauded by Publisher’s Weekly, Kirkus, The Horn Book, and School Library Journal. Raised in Silicon Valley, he has worked with people from all continents (except Antarctica). His work reflects cultural diversity—not only in protagonists, but in collaborators (his illustrators hail from Latin America, Europe, and Asia). Since 2004, he has run Premio Publishing. Beckstrand has presented to Taiwan’s Global Leadership for Youth, city and state governments, festivals, and schools. His Y.A. stories, self-help, ebook mysteries, nonfiction, Spanish/bilingual, career, and STEM books feature ethnically diverse characters—and usually end with a twist. His work has appeared via: Amazon, Apple/iBooks, Baker & Taylor, Barnes & Noble, Costco, Deseret Book, Follett, Ingram, Kobo, Papercrafts Magazine, SCRIBD, Target.com, The U.S. Congressional Record, Walmart, and PremioPublishing.com.
Gay Adored (bonus material), Love Your Gay Kid, Chapter Notes, Order Books (PathsPress), Joys of Female Connection (coming soon), PremioPublishing, Publishing Keys, Author Karl Beckstrand
Open today | 09:00 am – 05:00 pm |
Copyright © 2024 Premio Publishing - All Rights Reserved.
Nothing here is intended as legal/medical advice.